Living For Me

July 29, 2014 at 8:46 pm (Uncategorized)

Have you seen the documentary, “I Am Divine”? It’s about the famous Divine, John Waters’ muse. Divine was a person who lived by his own rules, a kind and generous freak of nature. This got me thinking, who’s rules do I live by? A co-worker approached me today at work and asked me why I dyed my hair purple. I told him I’m having a not-quite-quarter life crisis. On further reflection, I keep thinking about what I should have said instead. I find my self wondering why I didn’t yell at him, “I didn’t do this for you!”. It was like he was implying that what I had done had made me less attractive, as if I should care. It made me suddenly insecure. I felt like I had made a mistake. Who was he to undermine my own ideals of what beauty is and my own self worth? 

 

The reason I mention this film is because I feel like Divine had it figured out. Yeah, there’s always self-doubt and fear; but fuck that. Fake it until you make it. Be who you want to be and to hell with anyone who thinks any different. Divine wanted to be a movie star and without making any kind of compromises, he made it. He stands for everything I look up to; confidence, perseverance, glamour, and humor. He took everything that would make him a freak and owned it. I might not be a 300 pound drag queen, but god damnit I’ll dress how I want no matter my size and I’ll be bald if I want to. 

 

I’d like to think I’m channeling this energy every time I put on a gold leotard and skip around the park or stage. I want to live like Divine did, by my own rules. I want to live for me.

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